Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
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