i permit you to call me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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