Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize