Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize