He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize