I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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