Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
