So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
