dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
