We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize