Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
