Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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