Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
