Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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