I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
