Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
