dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
