A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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