you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
