At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
