I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize