I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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