its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
