why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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