I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
