at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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