how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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