My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My bed smells like the plague
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