Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
