i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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