fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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