eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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