Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
