I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
