why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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