does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
