I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
