i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
