I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
