He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
