Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You are the jesus of drinking
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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