so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize