yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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