I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize