i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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