eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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