the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
