I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
