gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If that was your dad, he is hot
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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