Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
