So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
