I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
