any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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