im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
