Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
