One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
