yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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