i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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