I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he just fucked me for my cheese..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
