All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
