just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
