I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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