look no pants
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize