oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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