Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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