if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
