Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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