Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Holy sore nipples Batman
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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