I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
