I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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