It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
