True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
