areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
