you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
