Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
