you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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