Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
